2020-07-10 Handling conflicts and fights in the church

HANDLING CONFLICTS AND FIGHTS IN THE CHURCH…
RCCG FAMILY PRAISE CHAPEL
BIBLE STUDY 2020

DEFINITION
“conflict is a difference in opinion or purpose that frustrates someone else’s opinion or purpose.”
“conflict in the congregation is a situation in which two or more members or factions struggle aggressively over what is or appears to be mutually exclusive beliefs, values or assumed powers or goals.”

THE QUESTION: HOW DO YOU HANDLE CONFLICT WHEN IT ARISES? 
A recent survey of 60 pastors on how they resolve church conflict showed the following:
talk about it (44%)
prayer (25%)
kindness (18%)
church discipline (18 %)
read Bible (5%)
fasting (2%)
run away (2%).

SOME OF THE MOST TYPICAL RESPONSES TO CONFLICT ARE THE FOLLOWING:

1. Avoiding: “Problem? What problem?”
2. Accommodating: “I give up” (people pleasers)
3. Compromising: “Let’s just split the difference”
4. Competing: “I win; you lose”
5. Collaborating: “You scratch my back, and I’ll scratch yours”.

II TIMOTHY 2:23-26
A church is a family and conflicts are unavoidable, but how it is handled will determine whether the experience will be positive or negative.
Are there any issues worth battling over? – What are the majors and minors? The following are four issues worth battling over in the church:

1. Biblical fidelity. No discounting the teachings of Christ
2. Living out what we believe. Biblical teaching must affect daily lives
3. Our church’s unity. All members must support this, divisiveness is sin
4. Verbal integrity. Remaining truthful in confrontation or conflict.

CONFLICT RESOLUTION GENERAL PRINCIPLES:

Your Temper – Your temper is the number one thing you have control over. “Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly”.  – Proverbs 14:29; 15:18; 25:8; Eccl. 7:9; Num 12:3; Jm. 1:19; 3:17-18

Evaluate your part in the conflict – what did you contribute to get to where you are?
Matthew 7:1-5 (removing the log from your own eye first is necessary before helping others).

Leave Revenge to God. Never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the Lord. – Lev. 19:18; Romans 12:19 (14-21); Prov 24:29; Luke 6:27-29
You don’t have all of the facts and the way you respond can place you in opposition to God and His clear judgment I Sam 25:26, 33 (David and Abigail); prophecy against Edom Ezek. 25:12-13.

Focus on the Positive and be careful what you say. – 1 Thessalonians 5:11; Prov 15:1 Emphasize the positive and alleviate the negative. Ephesians 4:29

You are Responsible for Your Own Behavior. The reality is that our behavior is not dependent on the behavior of someone else.
Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. – Romans 12:17; Prov 12:19; Matt 5:39; I Thess. 5:15; I Pet 3:9; I Cor 6:6-7; Col 4:5.

Accept Each Other’s Faults. Make allowance for each other’s faults and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. – Colossians 3:13; Rom 15:1-3

HOW DO WE RESOLVE INDIVIDUAL CONFLICT?
Matt 18:15-17; Lev 6:2-7; Deut. 17:6; 19:15; Acts 6:1-3; 15:6-7

Go to the individual (not to others) to voice your concern – Matthew 18:15. This is best done in love (Ephesians 4:15) and not to just get something off your chest. Accusing the person tends to encourage a defensiveness. Therefore, attack the problem rather than the person. This gives the person a better opportunity to clarify the situation or to seek forgiveness for the offense.

If the first attempt does not accomplish the needed results, continue with another person or persons that can help with mediation (Matthew 18:16). Remember that your goal is not to win an argument; it is to win your fellow believer to reconciliation. Therefore, choose people who can help you resolve the conflict.