The rules of boundaries in the Bible

THE LAWS OF BOUNDARIES IN THE BIBLE…
These rules are applicable and affect every relationship in life:
Marriage
Parents and kids
Extended family
Workplace and neighborhood relationships

RULE #1 WE REAP WHAT WE SOW. 

Galatians 6:7-8;
2 Thess. 3:10;
Prov, 19:19; 1:31-33
Sometimes people don’t reap what they sow because someone else steps in and reaps the consequences for them…
It is the hunger that results from laziness that will drive the sluggard to work! 

RULE #2  BOUNDARIES THAT HAVEN’T BEEN COMMUNICATED CLEARLY SHOULD NEVER BE ENFORCED 
Deut. 29:29 (NLT); Eph 4:25
God WILL NOT hold us accountable for what He hasn’t revealed. He does not expect us to read His mind. He DOES expect us to read His Word, and to live in obedience to it. 
Which means we absolutely cannot expect anyone to read our minds or anticipate our wants and needs. We HAVE to communicate them. And we cannot hold anyone accountable for what has not been communicated. 

RULE #3 THE LAW OF RESPONSIBILITY

Gal. 6:2-5; Philippians 2:12-13
Prov. 26:17
You are responsible for yourself and I am responsible for myself.
We are commanded to love one another and not be one another.

RULE #4 THE LAW OF POWER

What you have the power to do is to influence others – not to change them.
The only power you have is “power to change yourself so that the destructive patterns of others no longer work on you”.
John 2:1-10; 7:1-9 = Jesus was in control …

RULE #5 THE LAW OF RESPECT
Matt 7:12… “do unto others, what you want others to do to you” ie respect.
We have to respect other peoples’ right to be themselves – make their own choices and enjoy the consequences.
Boundary setting is both ways.

RULE #6 THE LAW OF MOTIVATION
What makes you do what you do for others?
2 Cor. 7:8-9; John 9:20-23; 1 Sam 15:24
Is it fear of being abandoned?
Fear of people getting mad at you?
Fear of loneliness?
Fear of losing the “good me” image?
Guilt – when we say no, they feel bad
Payback – they feel they owe…
Gaining people’s approval
Over identification with other’s loss

RULE #7 LAW OF EVALUATION

2 Thess. 3:6-13
You have to evaluate the effects of setting boundaries and be responsible to the other person… but it does not mean you should avoid setting boundaries because someone will respond with hurt and anger…

LAW #8 LAW OF PROACTIVITY

If you lack initiative, you will respond to every invitation without control over your life.
Proactive people show you:
What they love
What they want
What they purpose
What they stand for

STEPS TO SETTING BOUNDARIES

What may people no longer –
do to you;
do around you or
say to you?
Self awareness – Identify where your boundaries are weak or non-existent. Be realistic Gal. 6:2-5

STEPS TO SETTING BOUNDARIES
Inform – educate others about unacceptable behaviors and expressions (John 2:1-10; 7:1-9; Neh.6:3-6)
Communicate without blaming
Verbalize your boundaries Col. 4:6; Prov.15:1; 1 Kings 12:7; 2 Chron 10:7; Prov 25:15
Request – Calmly tell each person very specifically what you want them to stop doing or saying. 2 Thess. 3:8-12
Follow up – let them know how they are doing in meeting your request.
Continue to educate and reinforce
Reward those who are respecting your boundaries.

STEPS TO SETTING BOUNDARIES
Demand
Warn them about possible consequences.
If they continue to ignoring your request, enforce your boundaries.
Consequences
Follow through with consequences if results aren’t forthcoming.
Determine which battles are worth fighting or letting go
Respect other people’s boundaries.

DO YOU KNOW WHY WE REFUSE TO PLACE BOUNDARIES ON PEOPLE? I SAMUEL 15:17-21; PROV 29:25; GAL. 2:11-14; JN 12:42; 9:22
Fear of hurting the other person’s feelings…
Fear of abandonment and separation
Codependency (you both get something from each other)
Fear of someone else’s anger
Fear of punishment (even if you are dying)
Fear of being shamed or insulted
Fear of being seen as selfish or bad
Fear of being seen as unspiritual
Guilt conscience